


Before 41

by jonesyslug



Category: Akira (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-08-25 12:44:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16661355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonesyslug/pseuds/jonesyslug
Summary: Scenes in the lives of the gang, pre- The Takashi Incident (tags and summary will be edited/added to as chapters are added)





	1. Tetsuo

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So I haven't finished the manga yet and I'm not sure how far into it I was when I started writing this... Its mostly based off the movie, but there are some random details I took from the manga. I think it'll probably be most evident that I haven't read the manga when we get to Kaori, but I really enjoyed writing her, so I hope you enjoy reading it!

He wakes up to the sound of himself screaming. 

 

His heart pounds and the universe swirls around as he opens his eyes, but nothing changes. Ink black all around him. 

 

Things shift in one at a time. He's not screaming anymore. He can feel his pulse beating heavily inside him, reminding him he has a body. His veins feel like they're jumping out of his skin. 

 

He just tries to breathe, now. He can, but it's not deep enough, not slow enough, not enough to keep him from feeling light headed. 

 

He doesn't remember what he was dreaming about. When he tries to think about it, nothing is solid except the feeling of dread sitting on his shoulders. 

 

He remembers a lot of blood. Someone was yelling his name. Someone was holding a gun. He can't remember. The faces are blurry and they keep running together. Kai. Yamagata. Kaneda. Kaori.

 

_ Kaori _ …

 

He feels around the bed he's on. He's alone. It's his own bed. Just a mattress on the floor. It's not like Kaori's bed. Soft and covered in stuffed animals. 

 

He wants to run to her and smash open the door to her dorm. He wants someone to hold him. He wants to lay in bed beside her and feel her pulse and know he's not the only person on the planet.

 

But he made her cry today. He doesn't remember what he said. She always looks like she's going to cry, he'd gotten used to that. Seeing her actually cry was a bit… Jarring. 

 

_ Forgotten _ . That was one of the words she had used. She really felt that way? He spent half his time and money on her and she couldn't even be here  _ now,  _ when everything was shit and he needed her. 

 

Forgotten? 

 

“What a bitch…” 

 

Hearing his own voice offers no comfort. It sounds distant and weepy. He’s upset, but he regrets saying  it, even if no one heard. He sucks air in through his teeth and holds his breath. His heart still pumps wildly. He feels it, suspended inside him. Gravity defiant. 

 

He breathes out slowly and gropes his wrist for his watch. He hits the button to light up the display.

4:24 am. 

 

He stands up suddenly on his mattress, and throws his blanket down. 

 

He's going for a ride. 

 

\------

 

He speeds down a quiet street. It's dark and cold and lonely and he feels alive. 

 

He wants to take off his helmet and feel the breeze through his hair, but he's not an idiot. He's seen guys busted open and spread out along the highway. Blood and guts. 

 

The image makes him remember his dream. Someone's head split open, spilling out. His thoughts are blending and blurring again.

 

Kaori crying. Spilling her guts out metaphorically. 

 

He hears his name ring loudly in his ears. He's not paying attention. A light is glowing in front of him. He swerves wildly, sound still ringing in his head, perfectly remembered and piercing. Sounding like it doesn't belong to anyone. It's coming straight from his head.

 

**_“TETSUO!”_ **

 

He doesn't register how much control he's lost until the impact of his body hitting the pavement. He rolls and skids along the ground feeling his helmet bounce over and over as he just keeps falling. 

 

Somewhere deep inside him, the thought, only in abstraction: _I'm_ _glad I wore my helmet_

_............_


	2. Tetsuo

When he finally stops he just lays there, breathing. Not deep enough, too slow. 

 

He opens his eyes. He can see stars. Are they in the sky or painted in his eyes from the pain? 

 

He hears footfalls and heavy breathing. Someone is running. 

 

Tetsuo's lip quirks up in a weak smile. If he's a hit and run victim, if he dies out here and some coward left him to it, all hell would break loose. 

 

The gang wouldn't rest until someone had paid for that. 

 

The footsteps were coming in his direction. They were close now. He couldn't tell. Everything in his head was going in and out like a bad TV connection. 

 

“Tetsuo! What the fuck?!” 

 

He knew that voice. He let out a little laugh and blood spurted out of his mouth. 

 

“Kaneda…”

 

Kaneda ripped Tetsuo's helmet off too fast and let his head hit the ground. Tetsuo let out a yell.

 

“ _ FUCK _ ! Sorry. Shut up.” Kaneda said quickly. 

 

Tetsuo twitched a bit. At the  _ least _ , he had a concussion, and being dropped definitely didn't help. 

 

“Kaneda, did you run me off the fucking road?”

He asked, closing his eyes. No use to have them open. It was too dark. 

 

“No,  _ you  _ tried to run me off the road, asshole!” Kaneda whispered. It hissed in Tetsuo's ears. 

 

“Didn't.” Was all he could manage. 

 

“What the fuck happened then?” 

 

“Dunno.” 

 

Kaneda rolled his eyes.  _ Idiot.  _

 

“We've got to get you out of here. They've started patrolling over here.” 

 

Tetsuo could finally taste the blood he was swallowing. He grimaced. 

 

“How the hell...you gonna do that?”

 

Kaneda pulled Tetsuo up and started to drag him. Tetsuo gasped with the force of being lifted and coughed. 

 

“Your arms broken?” Kaneda asked.

 

“Don't think so.”

 

“Good. 'Cause you're going to have to hold on tight.”


	3. Tetsuo & Kaneda

Riding on Kaneda's bike was like falling out of an airplane. He went so fast, that when he turned, Tetsuo felt his insides shift around. 

 

Normally this wouldn't have bothered him. It would be thrilling to be on this bike, but… 

 

It was all he could do to focus on holding on. 

 

_ Can't let go. Can't lose consciousness. Can't vomit. Can't die. Don't die… Don't have a helmet. Can't be one of them.  _

 

When they finally stopped, it wasn't graceful. They slammed to a stop and suddenly all the noise was gone. No rushing wind, no engine humming, just silen- 

 

“Tetsuo, you can let go now.” Kaneda said, sounding like he was having the time of his life. 

 

“I can't believe it, they never even caught up to us!” He let out a little laugh. Tetsuo started to let his arms fall, but then he was falling, too.

 

“Woah!” Kaneda caught him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him up. 

 

“Jesus, man, you've fallen off your bike before, haven't you? What's up this time?”

 

Tetsuo's head lolled and he grumbled. “Speed.” 

 

Kaneda considered for a moment as he got off his bike. “Hmm.. yeah, I guess that sounds right.”

 

He lifted Tetsuo higher and slung his limp arm over his shoulder, wrapping his own arm around Tetsuo's back.

 

“Alright. You can walk, right?” 

 

“Guess we'll see.” 

 

Tetsuo opened his eyes. The sun was starting to come up, the sky was fading into a lighter blue. If they waited just a few minutes, they'd see all the pink and yellow. Something really beautiful. 

 

Kaneda pulled him along into the building in front of them, and Tetsuo was surprised to find his legs working. 

 

The light inside the building was green and artificial. The buzzing of the fluorescents made Tetsuo's head pound. 

 

Kaneda pulled him into an elevator and pressed some buttons. 

 

“Where are we?” Tetsuo asked, letting his head hang and closing his eyes against this light. 

 

“We're at my place, dumbass.” 

 

\---

 

Kaneda's place was underwhelming. Posters adorned the walls and all the furniture looked dirty, probably scavenged. 

 

Kaneda dropped Tetsuo onto the futon, more careful of his head this time. 

 

He went to the sink in the corner of them room and rummaged around in some cabinets. 

 

Tetsuo stared up at the ceiling, losing and gaining focus in a strange rhythm. 

 

“I think Kaori broke up with me today.”

 

Kaneda is halfway in the cabinet, hand around the bottle he was looking for. “Finally?” 

 

Tetsuo squeezes his eyes shut. “I can't hear you, you're all muffled in there, dipshit.”

 

Kaneda pulls himself out and stands up straight. “I said, 'really?’. 

 

He turns on the spout and gets a glass of water, then sits by Tetsuo. 

 

“Pain killers.” He says, before Tetsuo can ask, and dumps two large white tablets into Tetsuo's hand. 

 

Tetso pops them quickly, making himself dizzy with those muscle memorized head jerking movements. Kaneda hands him the water, and Tetsuo sits up all the way. 

 

He takes a long sip. Kaneda tries not to hurl when he sees Tetsuo's bloody backwash mixing into the cup. 

 

_ Whatever, let him drink that. It's his blood.  _

 

Kaneda would ask him who taught him manners, but he knew, and he didn't have many either. 

 

Tetsuo wipes his mouth on the back of his sleeve. 

 

*Kaori said I made everything about me.” Tetsuo said, quietly. 

 

Kaneda tried not to laugh. Of course she said that. Because he did. 

 

“She...said…” somehow it was coming back to him, with flashes of his nightmare. He didn't stir, he just stared. 

 

“She said I make her feel like she isn't important.” He said, an edge of irritation in his voice. He sounded like he was slipping into sleep. 

 

Tetsuo finally looked up and met Kaneda's eyes. Something from his dream was finally solid in his mind. 

 

“Kaneda… You'd never hurt me on purpose, would you?” 

 

Kaneda looked at him like he was nuts. 

 

“Whaddya mean?” 

 

“Like, you wouldn't shoot me or something, right?” 

 

“What the fuck are you talking about? Why would I shoot you?” 

 

The pills finally hit. They made him feel warm, and he could feel himself floating away  He closes his eyes and laid down. 

 

“Just...don't want it to be you.” he said, with his last bit of consciousness. 

 

“Those pills are stronger than I thought.” Kaneda says to himself, as he stands and walks to the chair. He pops a pill in his mouth. He could use some fucking sleep, too. 

 

\----

 

Tetsuo mutters in his sleep. Nothing Kaneda can make our, but it's just loud enough to keep him awake. 

 

His head feels loose on his shoulders and he wants to hear what Tetsuo is saying. He drops onto the floor as softly as he can, with his body ragdolling. He crawls over next to the futon and looks at Tetsuo. A little bit of early morning sun making the whole place pale blue. Tetsuo is grasping for something. 

 

“Kaneda. Don't.” 

 

Kaneda thinks he feels his heart stop. 

 

“None of this would have happened. But you had to didn't you, Kaneda?” 

 

It's just strange whispers. He can't form an emotion from them. 

 

_ Tetsuo, what kind of shit do you dream? _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can never forget you the way you rock the girls  
> They move a world and love you, a blast in the underworld
> 
> I stick a knife in my head, thinking 'bout your eyes  
> But now that you been shot dead, I've got a new surprise  
> I been waitin' for you just to say
> 
> He's off to check his mind  
> But all I know is you got no money  
> But that's got nothing to do with a good time
> 
> Can you forgive the boy who, shot you in the head  
> Or should you get a gun and go and get revenge?
> 
> A 100% of my love, up to you true star  
> It's hard to believe you took off, I always thought you'd go far
> 
> But I've been around the world a million times  
> And all you men are slime  
> It's goin' to my head, goodbye I am dead
> 
> \- 100% Sonic Youth


	4. Kaori

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback/Meanwhile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where you will notice the AU stuff creeping in just because uh... I started writing this before I read the manga. Hope you like this Movie Kaori interpretation.

Kaori laid on her bed. She hated her room right now. It was so full of color. Happy looking things. It was like whiplash, the emotional mismatch happening around her. The big smile on the stuff animal she was holding when it was wet with her tears seemed sickening. 

 

The room seemed too big without Tetsuo in it. She never would have thought that in her life, and now it was pressing down on her. 

 

He didn't even listen to her. She just wanted to talk to him about the way he was distant and… well, no surprise, if she'd been thinking straight… he got defensive. 

 

She loved him. She knew he loved her too, but it hurt sometimes. It felt like he was a whole world away. Like she could touch him, but that wasn't really him. He wasn't really there. 

 

She just wanted to love him completely and to be appreciated. Because she'd do anything for him, and he never seemed to realize that. 

 

Someone knocked on her door. She wiped at her face and tried to be completely silent. Someone probably heard her crying, but she didn't want to talk about it. 

 

She didn't want to talk to anyone except Tetsuo. 

 

And on the other hand, she didn't want to talk to Tetsuo. 

 

She waited, holding her breath, and finally she heard footsteps retreating. 

 

She looked at her wrist. There were three tiny scars, lined up and even like tally marks. Tetsuo never noticed. Or maybe he didn't care…

 

She didn't want to think that, but sometimes it seemed- 

 

No, all she had to do right now was focus on not making this moment the forth tally mark. She was stronger now than she had been in those moments. 

 

Wasn't she? 

 

She reached up and turned off her lamp. She couldn't stand to look at the colorful and happy image her room painted. 

 

That was part of the her. That part was important to hold onto. But she couldn't face it right now. 

 

She got under her blankets and wondered if Tetsuo was sleeping. She wondered if he'd have a nightmare. 

 

Maybe he'd come back and apologize. 

 

But if he did, would he just be doing that for himself? 

 

She hoped he would show up anyway. She wanted to hold him. 

 

She closed her eyes, hoping she'd fall asleep soon. Maybe this ordeal would be over by the morning. 

 

 

She woke up softly with the morning light. She grabbed her phone, desperately. No missed calls. No texts. 

 

She put it back down and rolled over in bed. Her heart hurt. He didn't need her. Did he even want her? How could he do this? Did she mean nothing? To him, to anyone…

She was having trouble imagining anyone else who could care about her. She wanted it to be Tetsuo. It had seemed like it was Tetsuo. So why were they like  _this?_

  
  



	5. Yamagata

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Meanwhile, with Yama and Kai 💖

His feet padded quietly down the sidewalk. He side stepped litter and rubble without seeming to notice. There was something very serious in his walk. It emanated from his shoulders. He could walk around like he owned the world. 

 

But he didn't want to. He just wanted to make sure he couldn't get hurt. 

 

He turned a corner and a shorter boy came into his field of vision, slumped against a wall and scowling out at the world. 

 

His head turned when he heard footsteps, and the scowl melted off his face. He grinned. 

 

Yamagata smiled back, and the taught string holding his shoulders against the world loosened. Atlas, taking a coffee break. 

 

They both scanned the area quickly and paranoidly, before rushing into a quick and tight embrace. 

 

“I thought you bailed on me.” Kai said, as he pulled away. 

 

“Nah, stupid. I just got a little lost.” He said, rubbing Kai's head. 

 

“Yama!” Kai exclaimed, with a stifled laugh. “You're gonna mess up my hair!” He said, finger combing it and trying to look upset, but his smile kept cracking through. 

 

Kai took Yamagata's wrist and started to pull him down the street. 

 

“Where are we-”

 

“You're going to like it, I promise.” 

 

Kai pulled him around a corner and stopped, then looked up expectantly, grin on his face. 

 

“It's… a hallway.” 

 

“Alleyway.” 

 

“Whatever! Why are we here?” 

 

Kai carefully took a step forward, then another, putting his feet on top of Yama's boots. He leaned up onto his toes, and pulled at Yama's collar. 

 

Yama was, for once, not slow on the uptake. 

 

He put his hands on the back of Kai's head. He tried to remember what Kai said last time. He didn't kiss soft enough? Or it was something like that. He tried to concentrate on being soft and gentle, but as soon as he thought he hit his stride, Kai fell away slightly, laughing. 

 

“What?!” Yamagata asked, turning beet red. 

 

“Nothing! You're- it was good. You didn't hit me with your teeth this time.” 

 

“Then why are you laughing?” 

 

“You went too far the other way, it's like kissing a dead fish!” 

 

“How would you know what that's like, huh?” Yama asked, giving Kai a little punch in the shoulder. 

 

Kai laughed harder. 

 

“Like you're an expert kisser, Cassablanca!” 

 

“Do you mean Cassanova?” 

 

Yama gritted his teeth. “You-” Kai smiled up at him. His expression was so… genuine. It was real happiness, it was real... _ something _ , whatever they had. It wasn't the kind of face he made from drugs or drinking it was- a smile without any strings. It was cute. 

 

“You're real lucky I like you so much or you'd be dead meat.” Yama said, a little deflated. 


	6. Tetsuo & Kaneda

Kaneda wakes up face down on the hardwood floor, drool pooling under the corner of his mouth. The sun is high in the sky by now, the whole room glowing white when he first opens his eyes.

 

Tetsuo is sitting up, leaning against the wall and staring at his phone. 

 

“What time is it?” Kaneda asks, sitting up.

 

“It's just past noon. Do you think my bike is okay?” 

 

Tetsuo seems more normal now. Sort of detached and quiet.

 

“Yeah, it's probably fine. Yama and I will go get it later. You need to go home and get some more rest or something. Plus, I don't have any food or anything around here.”

 

He stood up and stretched. He finger combed his hair and shrugged on his jacket, and that seemed to be the end of that. Tetsuo frowned a bit. No arguing with Kaneda. 

 

No telling him that he didn't want to go home. Thanks he wanted to get his bike himself. That he didn't want to rest, he wanted to see kaori. 

 

Whatever, fine. 

 

Tetsuo stood and held his hand out. 

 

“What?” Kaneda asked, turning to look at him. 

 

“Pain killers. And I'm walking myself home.” 

 

Kaneda looked at him for a moment. He sighed and bent down, coming back up with the bottle of pills. He pressed it into Tetsuo's open palm.

 

“Don't go… nuts with that stuff.”

 

Tetsuo kept eye contact with him as he took out a pill and put it just on the edge of his lips. Kaneda opened his mouth to say something and Tetsuo swallowed the pill, then pushed past him. 

 

“Don't forget to get my helmet, too.” He called, before he shut the door. 


	7. Tetsuo

Tetsuo kicked littler around as he walked home. That warm feeling had overtaken him again and it was much nicer not to sleep through it. He couldn't stop running his hand over his hair. It was short but right now it felt so soft. He made weird faces and talked to himself and didn't notice anyone staring at him. He didn't notice anyone at all. 

He blinked and he was home. He decided he wanted to make himself a really big lunch. 

“Kaneda is such a liar. He would shoot me.” Tetsuo says with a little laugh as his body follows gravity with the swinging of his front door as he opens it. 

“I'd shoot him.” Tetsuo says, making a little gun with his hand. He imagines doing it for some noble reason. Kaneda turning into a zombie and begging to die at his feet. 

“Pow.” 

A bug scuttled over his shoe and away from him. He stomped on it heavily. 

“Bam. Bam. Pow.”

Some things were better off dead than miserable. 

\---- 

Tetsuo wakes up with his head feeling fuzzy. Reality is soft and warm around the edges and he smiles. 

He didn't wake up screaming. He even remembered his dream. 

He'd been a general, leading an army, and in front of him was Kaneda, leading the opposition. Waving a white flag. Tetsuo told his men to stay back and walked up and shoot Kaneda himself. 

When he thinks about it, he doesn't feel anything. He can't figure out for the life of him what it means or how he should react. There's nothing there. Just a tingling numbness that's starting to fade into a throbbing pain in his head. 

He pats the bed frantically until his hand settles over the bottle of pills, nestled on top of his blanket. He takes two. He bites down on the second one. He's not going to sit around and wait for it to kick in.

**Author's Note:**

> More to come very soon!!


End file.
